Saturday, June 28, 2014
Living or Existing?
So very quiet this morning, not able to sleep. My mind wanders. My father has been on hospice for a year. I ask myself why God would cause this much pain. Not in a physical sense. My father doesn't have the unstoppable pain of cancer, most days simply lies in bed, his mind grey and quiet. This is the pain of loss. Loss of laughter, loss of love, loss of awareness. I spoke to Dad's nurse last week. She said this is the nature of his disease. A slow and steady death. In a few months, my son will be moving out of state to go to school. I am so very, very proud of him. Even though he has lived 200 miles away for the last three years, I was able to take weekend trips every few months to visit. He will be 2000 miles away, no more trips. More loss. I haven't stitched or quilted in almost a month. I haven't exercised in two weeks. Most days it is all I can do to make it to work, make it back home. I feel as though I am existing, not living. All of this is loss and I need to get back on track...Love the ones you are with, tell them how you feel. Give them a hug. Be kind to one another.