Sunday, November 9, 2014

No Vacation In Sight...

Here it is November and my usual vacation time. But a bit like last year, my vacation is being "rescheduled". Really only partially rescheduled since I get one out of four days. It's not that I don't have the time. LOL I work for the state and have not been taking regular vacations. I could walk away from work, and with a doctor's note, take ten, yes TEN, months off with a full paycheck. Work has been a bear. Both my boss and my co-assistant have family illnesses and are in and out at work. It's just not possible to take a full week since my boss could be out for one day or one week. But on the other hand, my life is pretty chaotic, with my dad and hospice, and I really need some down time. I am trying to keep up on my projects, but cannot seem to stay focused. I had planned a trip down south to visit a friend, but even that seems like too much trouble. I would drive for four hours, have dinner,stay the night, have breakfast, and then drive back home the next day. Without an extra day off, it would be difficult and I would be more tired than before I took the trip. I know that I am depressed, short-term, but am so very tired. My husband is still sick. He started antibiotics yesterday for an infection, but if they don't kick in soon, we may end up with him in the hospital. I tried to tell him that I really don't have time for that, but it just came out sounding bitchy. I didn't mean it that way, but I am so overwhelmed with care taking that I don't think I can add one more thing to my plate. When is the hard part over? How long can your body and mind take the constant stress? I am grateful that I am not dealing with cancer, or another horrible disease that causes pain, but crap, I need a day for me that doesn't include caring for another person. I used to take a few days every three months to visit my son and that helped to get me over the bump, but with him in Iowa, that just isn't an option anymore....

Is there an answer? Do we just keep going until we fall down? Have a stroke? I tell myself everyday that there is an end, that I am doing all the right things for my dad. But as I fall into bed every night, I can't remember why I'm doing anything, just that I am so damned tired that I can't think at all. And then I wake up six hours later and start it all over again.

I think I need to take a walk and cut back on the sugar. Will it help? Probably not much, but it definitely wouldn't hurt. I will take a few pictures of what progress I have on my projects and post next time. Hold your loved ones close and be kind to one another.

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