Now, Where Have I Been?

I don't remember being busy, but somehow a month has slid by... I spent quite a bit of time taking care of my dad. He had another TIA (small stroke) and this has made him even more unsteady and unable to care for himself. Last weekend, I spent some time helping out at a fundraiser for a young cousin. She has leukemia...crappy disease. I lost two cousins in the 1970's to this horrible disease. Now, I find out, my family is one of 10 in the WORLD that carries a special gene that causes a special type of leukemia that hits the young. Doesn't make me feel very special. I helped out with serving and cleaning at the dinner and made a couple of quilts for a silent auction. My extended family did an amazing job with planning and getting donations. The money will really help with costs for travel, lodging, etc. And more good news, a bone marrow donor has been found for my young cousin. She is on her way to Stanford Hospital in a couple of weeks for a transplant. There is hope in her future. Earlier in the month, I spent a couple of days up in the Bay area with my son. I always look forward to our adventures. This time, off to Point Reyes. He has recently become very interested in lighthouses. Not sure why, think it has something to do with the Fresnel Lenses. As we drove through the country side, I started to think that we were heading to the edge of the world. Pretty darn close. Found out that Point Reyes is considered the most foggy and windblown lighthouse on the west coast. We hit on a good day, only 20 mph winds and the fog cleared within a half hour of arriving. And yes, those are steps DOWN to the lighthouse. Three hundred in all and the rangers were nice enough to mark every 10 steps so you can count and be out of breath at the same time.

Amazing view and the whales were on their annual migration. I didn't get any pictures of the whales, considering that they are are so big, they are fast! This is my favorite picture of our visit. We were waiting for the whales. You can't see either of our faces, but I know that you can see how much we love each other.

I can't wait for our next adventure. Be kind to one another.

Rain...Beautiful Rain...

After several years of drought, we finally got a good dose of rain. We had a half inch a few days ago and almost another one and a half since yesterday. The birds are happy. The trees are happy. I'm happy.

We are far behind in rain this season, but there is hope for a bit more before the summer months. Southern California is enduring floods and disaster, but we are desperate in our area and will be happy for whatever rain comes our way. It has been so sad to see the fields brown and crunchy in the middle of spring...I look outside, and even with just this little bit of rain, grass is already growing in the field across the road. I'm happy. Be kind to one another.

Things have quieted down a bit this past week. Dad is doing better, so my heart is not as sad. Woke up early on Saturday morning, not for any particular reason, just because. But it was so worth it! The sunrise was amazing.

Been working on a few projects, but this has been finished for a while. I have been looking for the perfect frame. Found one, and at half off, I was happy to bring it home.

It is called "Red Reindeer" by BOAF. I really like the tiny little deer. I have a cross stitch retreat planned for the end of April. My not-so-local needlework shop is in Modesto, but I love, love, love Lois and Annie at Elegant Stitch. I make the 4 hour trip a few times a year. And if you can't make it in person, they will be happy to ship it to you!! No questions asked! LOL They have planned a "finishing" retreat and I am pretty excited. I have no one to stitch with in my town, so it is pretty special to watch others enjoy the same art as myself. As for finishing, Lois has some unconventional ideas that I cannot wait to try. You can only make so many pillows, wall hangings, and framed items. It will be FUN! Take care this week and be kind to one another.

Been a long couple of weeks. First, some creative stuff. Finished stitching this Valentine's freebie late, late last night. I should know better than to take a 7 pm nap. I think I finally headed towards bed at midnight. Silly me. I think I'll be making this into a little pillow or door hanger. I haven't decided which, but will be using the fabric that it is laying on.

Now to the "trying to get by" stuff. It has been difficult this past week. I had a visit from my dad's social worker. She has gently reminded me several times that I need to make "final" plans. Read into that...I need to take a trip to the funeral home to plan my dad's last wishes. Dad and I had talked about this about 10 years ago. First, he didn't want to be cremated. Then, he said to just dump him out in the field like we do with the dead cows. Lastly, he didn't care. Reminder to all: tell your family what you want done and stick to the plan. I want to be cremated and have told my family this many, many times. Why pay $5000 for a wooden or plastic box that you will plant in the ground? Don't see the point. But my mind wanders....More from Dad: he always said to get him flowers when he was alive, don't bother when he is dead. For many Father's Days, my son and I would plant bulbs in planters for my dad. He would always transfer them to the ground around his trailer. When he moved in with my husband and I, we dug up them up and brought them with us. I will eventually plant them at my house, but for now, the bulbs rest in big flower pots. They are doing well and I expect flowers any day now. So, I must make decisions on my own. Due to Dad's dementia, we aren't able to discuss this anymore. I made the call to the funeral home to set an appointment. I was very calm, but still couldn't discuss this in front of my dad. I had to take the phone to the other end of the house. I am such a big baby....I know it has to be done, but still feel like a traitor to talk about it in front of my dad. I will get it done, but not without tears and sorrow. Be kind to one another.

Getting On With The Day

So very early...everyone is quiet at my house. It seems that the more I need to sleep, the less I do. My mind starts to go to my job, to my craft projects, to the housework that I didn't finish yesterday, to my dad. All of us were horribly sick last week. My dad started with it, passed it to husband, and I finished it up three days later. It was really difficult to see my dad so sick. Not sure where this illness came from, but with so many caretakers and others in and out of the house, who knows? I was worried enough that I made a call to hospice. I was assured that he wouldn't dehydrate after only 24 hours, but they would be by to see us the next morning. He was bright-eyed and bushy tailed by 11:00 am the next day, but this illness left a lasting impression. The nurse said that he looked okay(considering that he is on hospice), and when it got to DAYS and WEEKS, she would let me know. Days and weeks? I guess since we've been on hospice for six months, I sort of forgot that there would be an end. It is easier to just live day by day, not thinking about the future in a solid form. I really don't think much about the day that I won't be caring for someone. But I ramble... The point is, being ill made me realize that my dad is COMPLETELY dependent on my husband and I for his day to day care. If one of us gets sick, the other has to pick up the slack. This scared me, a lot. I need to stay healthy. I've been slowing down, not exercising like I should, not eating right, not taking care of myself. I need to get my act together. I need to pick my butt up off of the couch and do that walk. Skip having dessert every night. Caring for myself is the least I can do for my dad and husband. We are all we have right now. Be kind to one another.

When You Change From the Daughter to the Parent

I have mentioned that my father is not well. The truth is that he is on hospice and has been so for about six months. He moved in for the winter, but when the weather was better, my husband and I decided that Dad was no longer able to care for himself. That was three years ago. The doctor said Parkinson's and dementia. What an easy thing to say when someone asks, what a horrible disease. Looking back now, I knew there was something just not right. The early morning calls, asking what day of the week it was. The lack of cleanliness. Forgetting to pay the bills. I put it down to his age. He was good at hiding his disease. Would forget to call back, then would say his cell phone battery was dead. Always came to my house, never invited me into his. He insisted that he didn't need help. I insisted he did. Cleaning the house and preparing meals began monthly, then weekly, then daily. My father had been my rock, a single dad of three in the 1960's. His life revolved around my siblings and me. If he was not at work, he was with us. His first heart attack and surgery was at 48. I fully expected him to die after a hard day at work, on his horse or four-wheeler. I would have been crushed and would have missed him terribly. This is so much worse. I hate to watch him slowly waste away, first his mind, now his body. I have become the parent, enforcing the rules of appropriate snacks, what clothes he wears, what time he gets up, what time he goes to bed. Why is life so cruel? Not for my sake, but for his. When he was aware that his mind was slipping, he kept saying that he didn't want to be a burden. Now he is in a world that is clouded and I cannot find the way in. I do not enjoy the role that I am forced to play. I know that what I am doing is right, but it is so very hard. I still want to be the daughter. Hold your loved ones tight, never take anything for granted. Be kind to one another.

Do You Read The Last Page First?

I have a horrible habit. As soon as I pick up a book, I flip to the last page. Do a quick review. Hmmmm, is this the book for me? I have no idea why I do this, but it seems that I have done this forever. It worked well in grammar school. I was an avid reader, and to be honest, Nancy Drew books usually did the wrap-up in the last few pages. LOL As the books got longer, sometimes I had to read the entire last chapter to get the information I needed. Stephen King, Dean Koontz, and Sue Grafton don't always wrap it up nice and neat in the last few pages. I picked up a book last week, BEFORE I DIE by Candy Chang. If you are not familiar with the book, it documents cities and neighborhoods where people have placed blackboards with the words, BEFORE I DIE I WANT TO....... Passerbys are then encouraged to add to the boards using chalk. Pretty amazing idea and a good book. It gives you insight to how people are more alike than not. Once again, I flipped to the back...This writer is pretty sneaky. The last few pages were instructions on how to create a board of your own. What?! Not only did she not wrap up the story, but now I was expected to participate! For once, I was forced to read a book in the order in which it was written. And you know what, it worked! I may have to try that again. Be kind to one another.